


How do you keep rolling Natural 20's?! (On Hiatus)

by MercurialComet



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bastion can't talk, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, If you know Critical Role you'll have a fun time, Multi, Sign Language, Somewhat High SchoolAU?, in chapter 2 i mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-07-20 01:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7386118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialComet/pseuds/MercurialComet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dungeons and Dragons, played by everyone with all the antics of a couple of games I've seen and played in.<br/>Slightly connected (if you squint and pay attention to detail) drabbles, plus headcanons about Human!Overwatch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Seducing the Dragon!

**Author's Note:**

> All actual names will be the names of the characters out of game. (Angela, Lena, Gabriel, etc.)
> 
> In "game" will have the actual in game names. (Mercy, Tracer, Reaper etc.)
> 
> Any D and D stuff you may not get, I'll explain in the notes under this chapter.

"I roll to seduce the dragon."

"YOU ASSHOLE! I WANTED TO SEDUCE THE DRAGON!"  

There was a silence in the room as everyone regarded the two Shimada brothers as they bickered over who got to try and seduce the dragon. Winston and Lucio were looking at them like they were insane for even thinking about it, while Angela and Hana wanted to see how this would play out.

"Um, luvs?" Lena asked, her cockney accent breaking through the shouting match between the brothers, "As much as I would like to see one of you try and seduce a dragon, why don't you just look at your character sheets to see who can take a better crack at it.

At her words, Hanzo and Genji immediately threw their heads down at the papers in between them in order to figure out if they were better at the task. Hanzo laughed first.

"Ha!" the 18 year old said, "I have a +5 to persuasion, and you have a +3."  He picked up the d20, ready to roll to do his unspeakable act, when his 17-year old brother quickly snatched the die out of the air. "Hey! What are you doing?!"

The younger Shimada glanced at his brother, saying, "What happens if you roll a one, huh?"

"Well..."

"You weren't thinking about that weren't you?"

"Why do I need to think about that?"

Genji smiled a triumphant smile, an arm wrapped around Tekhartha as he was pleading his case, "Well," he started in a near perfect impression of Hanzo, before rapidly shifting his voice back to normal, "dear brother, if you roll a one, you're just going to be stuck with a critical fail."

"And?"

"And my guy is a tefling, so if I roll a one, due to the tiefling trait, I can reroll it."

There was a pause while everyone mulled over this information, however Hanzo wasn't having any of it.

"What happens if you roll another one?"

"The odds of that are low."

"How low?" 

Bastion poked his head up and signed an answer to Tekhartha swiftly. Reading the mute boy's words, he translated.

"Bastion says that the odds are 1 in 400, or .25%". With that, the brothers kept on arguing while Satya, Angela, and Lucio took their turns, running around healing people.

It was then the Shimadas' turn again, because due to an unfortunate initiative roll, they had tied.

"Brother dear, just let me try."

"Nope. Not happening. I'm seducing the -"

"YOU KNOW WHAT?!" Oh shit, Gabe was mad now. "Just roll a persuasion check, both of you. Seduce the goddamn dragon, you sick fucks"

"I have a question." Jesse stated.

"Shoot."

"Is the dragon going to make a wisdom or charisma saving throw to avoid this, mess?"

"Yes"

The Texan grinned. "OK, because I'm standing next to Hanzo, and I have a bracelet the gives advantage in forcing wisdom and charisma checks, would Hanzo have advantage in his check?" There was a pause while everyone digested this logic and Hanzo immediately leaned over to kiss his boyfriend.

Gabriel was thinking. After a while, he stated that because the bracelet was more for confusing the dragon instead of boosting one person, the dragon would have disadvantage on all persuasion checks.

This prompted Hana to want to try, but she was shot down by the fact that she was out of line of sight on the dragon.

Now that everything was squared up, both Shimadas' rolled their checks and said their scores.

"19"

"22"

Gabriel stared at the two for a long, long time, causing Winston to laugh.

"I think you all broke the Reaper."

The DM looked around the group while he thought of what to do before settling on a course of action.

"The dragon is deeply enamored by you both and, as everyone knows, dragons steal what they like, the dragon swoops down and attempts to pick you both up with it's claws."There were gasps as everyone heard his words."Roll a dexterity saving throw with disadvantage."  The brothers both, shockingly, rolled a one. Lena chuckled. 

"I guess the odds aren't that low after all."

"Wait! I'm a tiefling!"

"Reroll it then."  _Clatter, clatter, clatter._

"How's a 10?"

"Not enough." The two targets faces fell. "The dragon swoops you both up and you each take 14 points of slashing damage. As it flies away, I want Zenyatta and McCree to make an Athletics or Acrobatics check to free your respective Shimada."

Genji looked at Zenyatta's character sheet and whistled, saying, "I've never been happier to see you play a monk before." Tehkartha just evenly replied, "I've never had to save you from a dragon before." as he rolled the die. "20"

Hanzo glanced at Jesse as he rolled. "Jesse, I swear to whatever is up there if you don't rescue me..." 

"Hold your horses darlin', I'll save you. 23"

"Ok then." Gabe rolled for the dragon. "Alright, I need Zenyatta over there to roll again, with disadvantage this time, McCree hits the talon holding Hanzo and Hanzo falls and takes-" he rolled "- 7 points of fall damage."

The whole group was brimming with tension as they all saw the scene before them unfold, unable to do anything but watch as his boyfriend rolled again. "12"

Gabriel rolled again, everyone watching as the die appeared from behind the shield blocking the 20 year old's notes about their campaign and rolling, rolling, and rolling until it landed on a 4.

Everyone then started to laugh, thinking that the conflict was over but, "The dragon has a plus 8 to dexterity. Roll with disadvantage again Zen."

Genji looked over, "This is either going to be the most badass thing you'v done for me, or this is going to be the biggest waste of my time."

"Well, hopefully it's what you expect it is." He rolled. "19"

"Ok." Everyone heard the clatter of the two d20 the DM threw behind the shield before looking up and saying, "Ok, you pull and punch and hit the talon with your bowstaff-" "Quaterstaff" "-whatever! The talon looks like it's not going to work at first, but you manage to pry it open a tiny bit before the dragon clubs you over the head, causing you to pass out. Genji, I'll need you to make an Athletics or Acrobatics check, and Hanzo you can also roll if you want to." 

Almost immediately, you heard the sound of plastic tapping wood as the two immediately rolled. "18"  "21"

"Ok." Everyone leaned in as Gabriel wove the story, "You both try your best, pulling and puching and hacking and Hanzo even tries shooting-" He rolled a d4."- 2 arrows, but in the end, the dragon closes his talon around Genji and makes another swing towards Hanzo as he's on the ground after being slapped away by a wing. Hanzo, I need you to make a dexterity check with disadvantage." Hanzo groaned as he rolled again, complaining. "When will this cycle end?!"

Lucio spoke up. "You know, maybe if you hadn't decided to seduce a dragon, this probably wouldn't have happened."

"Oh shush!" The man counted up his score, "21"

"With disadvantage?!"

"I rolled a 19 and a 16"

"I hate you and your dice right now." The DM rolled. "Nevermind. You try your best, but the dragon scoops you up and starts to take off again. If anyone has a ranged weapon, you can make an attack of opportunity with disadvantage, because you don't want to hit the two captives."

Everyone glanced down at their papers while picking up their dice.

"So that's why they call you the Reaper."

* * *

 "Zenyatta, babe. I love you, but can you stop kicking our asses?"

"I would, but I can't"

Mako interrupted, "Can I make an insight check?"

Gabriel had left beforehand, and now Jack allowed the man to make his check.

"Alright. I have a minus 4 to wisdom so..." "Why are you doing this?" "Because you all are just fighting." He rolled. "I rolled a 5, so, 1."

"You can't tell anything. He looks normal and 1 need you to roll a wisdom saving throw." 

There was a pause as the die rolled before everyone saw the 1 facing upwards.

:"Well then." Jack stated. "You walk towards Zenyatta thinking that he is perfectly fine, and I need Zenyatta to make an attack with advantage."

Pause.

"I'm sorry Mako, but I rolled a 20"

"Plus?"

"Um, how do I say this kindly... a 7?"

"Hmm. Well. Shit."

* * *

 

"Ok guys, it's roleplaying night."  There were small groans from Mako, Bastion violently pantomimed murdering the three DM's until Tehkartha ran his wheelchair over the blue-haired boy's foot, and Angela sighed and said, "Remember children, being mean to mommy results in no heals from mommy".

* * *

 

"Alright, Genji, Lucio, and D.Va, you guys have snuck into the ball, found the secret room, and entered it. Inside, you see a group of men." Reinhardt was setting up the scene, holding everyone's rapt attention. "Most of the men look to be normal soldiers, but one man, in the middle, seems to be very important. What are you doing?"

Lucio spoke first. "I'll pull out my flute and start flute beatboxing. In the spaces, I cast a charm person on the important guy."

The 24 year old DM looked surprised at his answer, but he also seemed a bit intrigued. "Ok, make a performance check" 

"19"

"Make a stealth check"

"19"

"What's the DC of your spells?"

 _Flicker, flicker._ "13"

 _Roll._ "Yeah, he doesn't get entranced by the spell, but he hears some really good music, and notices you guys before realizing this is a secret room. He quickly shouts 'Hey, you three! How do you know about this room?! Guards!' and I now need you all to make charisma saving throws."

Genji and Hana hissed angrily, while Lucio grinned. 

"Come on guys! It can't be that bad."

Genji looked at the DJ. "I want you to repeat that to the guy who has 10 charisma."

 Lucio did the math in his head, "Wait, how do you have a plus 3 to persuasion then?"

"Rouge proficiency."

Hana burst in, snapping,"Well, at least you guys aren't being penalized."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a minus 5 penalty on charisma checks." She rolled. "7?"

The DM shook his head, "D.Va gets arrested. Roll please"

Genji rolled. "18, take that!"

"Genji gets arrested."

"Why you little-" The rest of his words were drowned out by Lucio quickly rolling his die. 

"Um, 22?"

"Ok, I now need you to make a deception check."  

"8"

"You're fine. You manage to come up with a adequate reason and convince the guards that you didn't know the other two people they arrested. You are now in front of the important guy. Roleplay time."

There was a pause as the two settled into their characters before the conversation began.

"So," Reinhardt started, speaking as the important guy, "this is a magnificent ball, is it not?"

"Oh no, it is! Such elegance and, oh, is that a lovely veridian color?"

"Yes, it is. Finally someone else who has a fine eye for detail. What brings you here anyway?"

"Oh, well, I was supposed to protect this headmaster at the ball here, but I can't find him..."

"OH! Well, dear friend, I'm the headmaster!"

"Really? Well, it's grand that I met you now. Just between us," Lucio lowered his voice, "the pictures they showed me of you didn't do you any justice. You're much more handsome in person."

Reinhardt looked at the player for the suggestive comment. "Ok, um, roll a persuasion check with disadvantage."

Lucio rolled. "17. May I ask why?"

"Well, you're flirting with the guy, right?"

"You know what? Sure, we'll say that."

"Well, he's not really into guys, so disadvantage."

"It's still 17."

"Ok, he agrees with the comment and asks you to head out with him."

"Let's walk out to the punch bowl."

Jesse interrupted, "We have the earrings that let's us talk to each other, so I see Lucio and I tell him to just kill the guy already, we need the money."

"Lucio ignores him and pours himself a glass of punch."

"Dude, it's 10,000 gold. We need the money."

Lucio looked at the DM. "Can I answer back without looking suspicious?"

"Do you know Theives Cant?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Ok, you can communicate."

"I tell, McCree, is that his name? Anyway I tell him that I have 495 gold, and I don't need the money. Oh, and I also pour another glass and spike it."

"Roll for stealth."

"Do I have advantage because I have his trust?"

"Sure."

"21"

"He's now drunk out of his mind."

"Ok...."

"What are you thinking?"

"I'll pickpocket him."

"Roll sleight of hand, with advantage since he's drunk."

"20"

"Roll stealth"

"Advantage?"

"No, no one else is drunk since you selectively spiked his cup."

"Natural 20"

The sound of Reinhardt's head hitting the table followed soon after that statement.

(Also, Lucio assassinated his bro-date, and got 5,000 gold out of it)


	2. A new character arrives.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of Junkrat centric this chapter. Oh well, I love him anyway so this will be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, SomewhatAmerican!Junkrat because I can't write an australian accent to save my life.  
> Descriptions for scenarios after the chapter

"Oi then guys, lets do this nerdy thing!"

Everyone turned to look at the newest addition to the gaming group.

Angela spoke up, "Satya?"

The Indian teen replied, "Yes?"

"You realize- The bond between us, Lucio, and Tekartha is strong because support rule, right?"

"Yes"

"And, we'd never judge you in any way, right?"

"Where is this going?"

"Well, is Jamison going to be like this all the time?"

There was a stern glance directed towards the Australian, and after a beat, the girl stated, "He shouldn't be a problem". She was correct.

* * *

 

Hanzo sighed as he turned to look at Jesse. "McCree-"

"Wait, we're in character?!"

"Which one of my ancestors did you shame to death this time?"

There was a pause before, "Um, your uncle?"

* * *

 "This is the  ** _fifth_** , count that,  _ **fifth**_  universe, dimension, whatever the fuck you want to call it, that you've fallen into!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

* * *

 

"BULLSHIT!"

Angela was looking at the board in shock. "How...?"

Fareeha just looked on in anger, her Egyptian accent blending into her rant, "I fought off a giant squid, woke you up so you could save everyone else, and you wake up and fucking stab the squid-"

Gabriel interjected, "It's an octopus-", but the girl flat out ignored him.

"AND LEVEL UP WITHOUT YOUR WONDERFUL GIRLFRIEND! This breaks all the rules of nerd dating etiquette, you know that right? I'm telling Ana." Angela stopped laughing to look at her girlfriend in fear.

"No, please, not your older sister! I still remember when I beat you in Smash Bros!."

* * *

"Another one?!"

Satya's eye twitched, "This isn't mathematically possible"

Ana shrugged, "My luck is generally shitty".

Jack and Reinhardt looked at each other in fear.

"I've heard about it," the German stated, "but I've never seen it before in person."

Lucio and Genji were in the background cackling, Bastion and Tekartha were furiously signing to each other and Lena was just- in shock.

"Here's the thing though," Genji started, "you're beating math." Satya flinched again.

 "Ya'll are wild." The person in question of rolling 5 ones in a row turned to her younger sister. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

* * *

Jack looked at the group in amusement. "Okay Jamie, roll a persuasion check. Hanzo, roll a charisma save."

Hanzo rolled. "19"

"Natural 20?"

"FUCK"

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jamie's here! I can't wait to write in Junkrat  
> Crit Role Moment #1: Scanlan shaming Percy's ancestor to death  
> My friends/gaming group @ me (I swear I don't mean to do it)  
> Also, our "carry/offense" guy @ me, our "support". And yes, I did kinda demote Ana to older sister.  
> Crit Role Moment #2: The references to Will Wheaton's **_amazing_** dice rolls. And the odds of rolling 5 ones is 3.125e-7 or 0.0000003125%  
>  The fuckers who wanted to murder me @ me (I'm starting to sense a trend)


	4. Hiatus (There's A Reason, I Swear!)

Ok, I need to put this story on hiatus because, even though it's cute, I'm starting to write this more serious Overwatch fic, and I don't want to confuse the tones between the two.

If you want to read it, the fanfic is Nobody Said It Was Easy (No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard)

**Author's Note:**

> d20= A die with 20 sides. Used for ability checks, saving throws, attacks.  
> Initiative roll= At the beginning of a combat encounter (or, as I've come to realize, any dodgy situation) you roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier and the higher the number, the more likely you are to be first.  
> Saving throw= Whenever you are on the recieving end of an effect, you are forced to roll equal to or greater than a number in order to avoid said effect  
> Advantage/Disadvantage- Whenever you have the upper or lower hand in a situation, you roll 2 d20's (or a d20 twice) and choose the number that matches up. Advantage you take the higher and Disadvantagee you take the lower. (Example. You roll an 18 and a 10. On advantage, you take the 18, while on disadvantage, you take the 10).  
> Zenyatta/Tehkartha- Ok. Whenever you talk about a character sheet, it's that characters character sheet. It's not the player's.  
> 1 and 20-1 is a critical fail. Roll a one, and you are screwed. On the other hand, 20 is a critical hit (or win). In combat case (aka, the case of Mako vs Tehkartha) Mako failed the charm, while Tehkartha is about to destroy a character.  
> Roleplay night- Literally everyone besides me and two others hate roleplay night. For us, it's when we pretend we're our characters. I usually act as my main 2.  
> The whole last scene- I did that whole scene once, including hitting on the guy, spiking his punch, and assassinating him in a closet. I got enough xp to level up twice.  
> The 10 charisma not equaling plus three thing.- The way you decide bonuses and penalties is to take the whole skill score, subtract by ten and divide by 2 (round down if you have a decimal). For example, 10-10=0 and 0/2=0.


End file.
